The Road Less Travelled
A psychiatrists look into how humans can solve the problems that can slow or even prevent them from growing into mature and spiritually developed beings. Its main sections are titled Discipline, Love, Growth & Religion, and Grace.
Central to its themes are the idea, voiced in the opening sentence, that "Life is difficult", and that when we accept that idea, then life becomes less difficult. And on that basis, Peck covers approaches to the central struggles of leading a worthwhile life.
Discipline - the basic tool for solving life's problems is discipline. The facets of discipline covered are:
- delaying gratification - getting pain over with first
- how any problem can be solved given time
- taking responsibility for solving your own problems
- neuroses and character disorders
- freedom of choosing responses to problems - must avoid giving responsibility away to other entities
- dedication to truth and reality
- transference - when a behaviour is inappropriately transferred to the wrong context (i.e. childhood behaviour to adulthood)
- openness to self-examination and challenge
- withholding truth - should never withhold truth based on personal needs, only for benefit of others
- balancing for flexibility - judgement must govern emotion. The discipline of disciplining discipline
- the depression of growth - growth entails suffering, so depression can be healthy.
- renunciation and rebirth (how giving up oneself leads to growth).
Love - this mostly misconstrued facet of life is covered by sections on:
- the myth of romantic love
- ego boundaries - must experience ego before it can be dropped
- dependency - love must be a choice, not a neccesity
- cathexis (love of an object or idea) - love without spiritual evolution of participants. Hobbies should be just a means through which we love ourselves, not an end in themselves. Love is not just giving, it is judicious giving and judicious withholding. It is leadership.
- self-sacrifice - genuine love is self-replenishing and its aim is always the spiritual development of the receiver
- love not being a feeling - confusion between cathecting (love of idea/object) and loving
- the work of attention - listening is act against our own inertia. Requires bracketing of our prejudices to get most out of it. Love is work.
- the risks of loss - Courage is action despite fear. Love requires cathexis at beginning, but always risk of rejection. "When we shy away from death, we shy away from life".
- the risk of independence - only when an one is an independent individual can one proceed to higher paths of spiritual growth.
- commitment - risk of commitment (in a loving relationship) is the risk of self-confrontation and change.
- confrontation - challenge to exercise power and humility. Confrontation first requires painstaking self scrutiny (which is the essence of humility).
- the discipline of love - feelings and passion should be controlled, but not squashed.
- finally the separateness of love - dsitinctions between individuals maintained, respected and encouraged. "If one wants to climb mountains, one must have a good base camp". Good poem on separateness of love at end of chapter, p. 157
The sections on Growth and Religion and Grace are by and large forgettable. Mostly full of anecdotes and uncertain speculation, I didn't learn much of interest in this part of the book.